What has the lockdown done to/for you?
The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty: not knowing what comes next.
Ursula Le Guin
The Left Hand of Darkness
October 3, 2019 was my 70th birthday. We had family reservations at Yosemite to celebrate the day on the following week. It was not JUST my 70th birthday, it was the first day of retirement for me! Life was going to enter its twilight stage before the eventual fall of night and we were going to use that as an excuse to celebrate. Yosemite is beautiful in the autumn months ... just like it is in all the other months. If you haven't been there, it is one of the places worth retiring for.
So, on the afternoon of that day, we went to our financial advisor's house in San Francisco and laid out all of our financial plans for the next years. The news was good and we would be fine. He even had a birthday cake for me and sang Happy Birthday! So, home across the Bay we headed looking forward to our great adventure of the next week and for the coming years.
The next morning, Carol called her 94-year old mother, whom we had been going to every weekend to care for her needs in Napa. The Napa Valley is rough, but somebody has to do it. But, this call would change our relationship to that beautiful valley forever. She was in serious pain and had experienced an awful night with chest pain without calling anyone!
Carol hurried up there (about 1 1/2 hrs from our house) and took her to the Emergency Room. Sure enough, she had experienced a heart attack and it was still happening! They immediately began treatment. And we immediately began a change of plans. Yosemite was out!
Long story short, so that there are no tears on your screen, she has pulled through amazingly well, so this won't end in that kind of tragedy. We stayed at her mobile home for the next 5 weeks while she was at the hospital and then at the rehab facility. During that time, fires were blazing and we were without power on eight of those days. Also, my retirement meant a lot of paperwork to arrange Medicare, supplemental insurance and movement of retirement funds. So, we were juggling a lot of balls, but we were also among the very early adopters of mask wearing, a talent that would come in handy in following months.
In November, we moved her into a board and care home near us and got her oriented. And the next part of the story simply couldn't wait, so the very day we moved her into the home, the page turned yet again.
My daughter has been weaning from pain meds for the past 6+ years after multiple surgeries. She was on track to be completed opioid free by the end of 2019. And in November, the day we brought Carol's mother to the board and care home, she developed severe chest pains of her own. I took her to a referred cardiologist and she was diagnosed as having pericarditis, inflammation of the sac surrounding the heart. Another long story short, her withdrawal from opioids has been delayed by at least a year!
Remember that we haven't even gotten to the lockdown. That would be too easy, so the first week of January my son-in-law, who is living with us became quite ill. The following January 14th, I developed a severe sore throat and then was pretty ill for a week. I ended up with a cough for about 8 weeks and symptoms of a type of cough and congestion I'd never experienced before. I may be one of those people that has antibodies to Covid-19! I'll let you know when I find out.
Now, the lockdown. Carol has worked in a dental office for 48 years. And it was no longer safe for her to practice as a Dental Hygienist. So, she has had to retire two years earlier than we had planned. We are back at square one trying to figure out what to do with our lives, because absolutely nothing we projected has come to pass.
So, what has the lockdown done to/for me? Who knows? But, the killing of George Floyd has changed reality one more time in a very major way for us. We are getting used to it. We sit in wonder and watch as the next chapter unfolds.
This is a very interesting twilight. How you doing?
Please check out my other blog mates' takes on the same topic brought to us by Chuck (Shackman) at their blogs, Padmum, Raju, Ramana, Sanjana and Shackman!
Having been retired for several years and zero investment money my life has been much different. I have been on virtual lockdown for quite a while. I was in CA when the lockdown started so I had to fly back to NC - something I hate, and worry about everyone on one leg of the nearly packed flight that was not wearing a mask. Then there were the escalating racial tensions over the death of a black man in police custody, Suddenly all that time and effort in the sixties seemed like a waste of time but think the current crop of kids will push the beast off the cliff. So all in all the lockdown had little or no impact on me.
ReplyDeleteYour path is definitely not one for the faint hearted! I've been privy to it for a long time and your perseverance in the face of all of it is really something to be appreciated. And something I was really hoping to see lessened when you were in Brentwood. Nothing has gone as planned in our lives, mine is just easier.
ReplyDeleteThis was an emotional and succinct post, and I salute you for making it this far. It's a shame about Yosemite, but the story (hopefully) has a happy ending :) Wishing you all the best for the future!
ReplyDeleteSanjana, it is less emotional than you might suspect and we are doing ok. I do appreciate your concern and caring. But, Yosemite is only two hours East of our house and we have gone several times before. We will get back. My daughter and Carol's mother are our bigger concerns.
ReplyDeleteBravo! I get the drift. After your proverbial three score and ten land mark, you have gone through quite a lot and the lockdown is just the R & R needed to get the lives back in order. As I had said to Sanjana, this too shall pass.
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